You bury the actual problem of 'too many NFC cards' on page 13 after two pages of fluffy 'connecting with what's important' vision statements. Get to the point; I don't have all day for your spiritual journey.

Your 'market size' consists of generic smart home stats and how many people own smartphones. Show me the actual addressable market for people willing to pay for *your* NFC ring, not just how many Vietnamese can theoretically tap a card.

A 25% interest rate on your convertible note tells me you either desperately need cash or don't understand how venture debt works. Your B2B2C 'partial acquisition' model sounds more like a customer support nightmare than a robust revenue stream.

You've got a decent roster on paper with solid backgrounds, but two 'Co-Chief Partnership Officers' for an early-stage startup? Are you building a company or a congressional committee?

'Plans for 70K users' and a bunch of impressive partner logos without details of *actual* partnership contracts is not traction; that's a wishlist. Show me customers paying you, not just your aspirations.

Your deck is clean enough, but I had to dig through pages of verbose vision statements to understand what you actually *do*. Your 'how to use' guide is more detailed than your market strategy.